Vicious falcon attacks on the rise

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Incidents of racing pigeons being brutally murdered are on the rise according to the Raptor Alliance, a division of the Royal Pigeon Racing Association. 

The precious and highly-skilled racers are being quietly taken out by the vicious peregrine falcon, which wait along known race-circuits for their victims to fly by.

“60,000 racing pigeons around the UK have absolutely no legal protection against increasing attacks,” says a Raptor Alliance spokesperson, “The intimidating peregrine falcon and vicious sparrowhawk are growing in both number and confidence. The more we let them get away with this, the more it will continue. We need to end the threat to the racing pigeon community.”

As a sport growing in popularity, pigeon racing is feeling the effects of this latest increase in deaths, with many racers threatening to abandon the sport entirely.

We spoke to one veteran racer, known as Swoopy, about his thoughts on the issue.

“Back in my day, we never had this problem,” he said to our reporters. “Back then, a pigeon could fly along, perfectly happy and not have to worry about watching over our backs all the time.”

“You don’t see car compactors chasing and murdering Formula One cars as they race. Why should we have to deal with brutal murderers waiting for us every time we step out to perform? It’s a disgrace.”

The Raptor Alliance are petitioning for a number of golden eagle squadrons to track the progress of the racers and provide a deterrent, but have been hit with a number of crippling paperwork issues. For now, the sport will continue as it is, although a full-blown boycott has already been suggested by the Racing Pigeon Welfare and Fair Treatment Union and is gathering traction, both with the racers and the fans.


The Story: Save our racing pigeons.

Disclaimer: Most articles on Sports Bagel are works of satire, including fictional elements based around topical news, events or issues. The purpose of this work is to entertain, but also to educate. If you would like to comment about anything in this article please email us at sportsbagel@mail.com.

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