“Customised helmets need to go”, declare FIA

TOO COLOURFUL: The FIA believe helmets as colourful as these are ruining the sport. Photo: MrT HK/flickr

Formula One’s governing body have banned drivers from customising their helmets once the season is underway, claiming humorous or bright designs are making the sport ‘too interesting.’

For many fans, helmet-spotting has become a favourite pastime after the only interesting part of the sport – the race start – is over, with many carrying around notebooks, eager to jot down the new designs of the weekend.

“I haven’t missed a race in three years,” said one particularly disgruntled fan, jotting down a description of Felipe Nasr’s helmet as his Sauber drones past.

“But by god it’s boring. Helmet-spotting is the only way I can get through the race. People may think we’re sad or geeks but tell them to try watching the race itself and they’ll understand. We do what we can to make it enjoyable.”

The move has also been met with derision from the drivers themselves who, like footballers, ensure they do not begin a race weekend without meticulous fashion planning.

Australian driver Daniel Ricciardo managed to keep smiling after the news, despite his disappointment in the decision:

“What am I going to do without my ‘everything is bigger in Texas’ helmet next year?” he said, frustration almost seeping through his infectious grin.

“That’s essentially my year ruined and I know many other drivers feel the same. Sport shouldn’t be about the excitement and skill – if we don’t look good doing it, what’s the point?”

Many drivers refused to speak to us at all, calling the move ‘disgusting’ but refusing to stop and talk to our reporters.

The helmet ban is the latest controversial move in a sport which has alienated many with strange rules in the past few years. The Stop-Vettel-Winning double points rule was brought in last season and has already been dropped, while the Keep-It-Down Initiative which saw beefy V8 engines replaced with whiney V6 turbo hybrids was described by Bernie Ecclestone, the one person you’d assume could change these things for the better, as ‘horrific’.

Whether or not helmet-spotting is now a thing of the past remains to be seen, but after this move it is clear that dark days lie ahead for Formula One – for fans and drivers alike.


The Story: Mark Webber and Alex Wurz mock helmet design rule change.

Disclaimer: All articles on Sports Bagel are works of satire, including fictional elements based around topical news, events or issues. The purpose of this work is to entertain, but also to educate. If you would like to comment on anything in this article please email us at sportsbagel@mail.com.

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